S. Baldrick
Sodoff Baldrick, 1st Baron Baldrick of Regency Britain works as an "underscrogsman" (apprentice dogsbody) to Mr. Blackadder, butler to George, Prince of Wales. He lives in a pipe in the upstairs water closet of the Palace. Personality The third Baldrick is much more noticeably stupid and disgusting than those previous to him. Like his Elizabethan ancestor, he is known to eat dung occasionally. He is also more childlike; when asked if he has any distinguishing features, referring to his nose he asserts, "I've got this huge growth in the middle of my face". There is not the slightest sign of "cunning" in any of his plans, which include: * escaping the guillotine by waiting until your head has been cut off, then "springing into action" and running "around and around the farmyard, and out the farmyard gate", in the style of a chicken, and * replacing the burnt first copy of Samuel Johnson's dictionary by taking the string, which has been salvaged, and putting in some new pages. Blackadder clarifies that Baldrick is suggesting that he re-write the entire dictionary in a single night. Blackadder attempts this anyway, before getting stuck at "Aardvark". Blackadder also claims that Baldrick has never changed his trousers, and implores him never to do so, for they are, Blackadder claims, akin to Pandora's Box. Although he is now on a closer social standing to Blackadder than before, he still receives the same level of abuse as his Elizabethan ancestor. Edmund punches him; kicks him; breaks a milk-jug over his head; smashes a huge turnip on his head; roasts him for a few minutes on a spit; grabs him by the shirt collar; threatens to cut him up into strips and tell the prince that he walked over a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy hat; and promises five minutes of hellish tortures involving a small pencil, equalling anything possible from Beelzebub over all eternity. However, he does seem to have a higher level of friendship with Blackadder than the other series. However, despite his noticeable disabilities, this Baldrick has more success than any of the others. In an election rigged by Blackadder, he is elected M.P. for Dunny-on-the-Wold, a rotten borough, although he was intended to be a puppet for Blackadder to manipulate (Blackadder's political opponents succeed in manipulating him instead). He is later made a Lord by Prince George, and is, therefore, eligible to sit in the House of Lords (although whether or not he ever does so is another matter, and as he is never again referred to by his title after episode 1, it seems plausible that Blackadder persuaded the Prince to strip Baldrick of his peerage). He also succeeds where no Baldrick has succeeded before or since, in calling Blackadder a "lazy, big nosed, rubber-faced bastard". Baldrick spends the £400,000 he received as a Lord on an enormous turnip ("Well, I had to haggle.") Blackadder later destroys it by sticking it on Baldrick's head. Baldrick isn't given any sort of first name until this third series, when he speculates that it might be "Sod-off", since in childhood when he played in the gutter when he said to the other snipes, "Hello, my name's Baldrick," they would reply, "Yes, we know. Sod off, Baldrick!" A diplomatic Blackadder opts to record him as "S. Baldrick". The initial appears to have been adopted by his descendants. This particular specimen of Baldrick can also be noted for his definition of "dog": "Not a cat" and "sea": "Big, blue wobbly thing that mermaids live in". His command with words is also demonstrated in his "magnificent octopus" (magnum opus), a semi-autobiographical work that goes so: :"Once upon a time there was a lovely little sausage called Baldrick and it lived happily ever after." His heroes are the highwayman "The Shadow", and The Scarlet Pimpernel (or "Scarlet Pimple" as Baldrick believes his name to be). The former was executed as a result of Blackadder's informing, and the latter was poisoned by him. This Baldrick grew up in a "haunted hovel", in which a vile, disgusting apparition would slowly make its way into his parents' bed at night. Curiously, this phantom vanished the very day Baldrick left home. In one cunning plan Baldrick tried to chop his mother's head off to solve the problem of her low ceiling. Oddly enough, this Baldrick seems to have a bit of the idiot savant in him; Baldrick's explanation, although heard from someone else, of why George and Blackadder will be able to trade places is surprisingly smart and articulate, suggesting he might have an amazing memory with words, even if he doesn't understand what they mean. :Baldrick: You could have someone else fight the duel for you. :George: But I'm the Prince Regent! My portrait hangs on every wall. :Blackadder: Answer that, Baldrick. :Baldrick: Well, my cousin, Bert Baldrick, Mr. Gainsborough's butler's dogsbody, says that all portraits look the same nowadays since they're painted to a romantic ideal rather than as a true depiction of the idiosyncratic facial qualities of the person in question. :Blackadder: Well, your cousin Bert obviously has a larger vocabulary than you, Baldrick. Category:Characters Category:Blackadder the Third characters Category:Blackadder's Christmas Carol characters Category:Baldrick family Category:Lords Category:Characters played by Tony Robinson Category:British Category:Male